Am I Different?

I have been in a place lately of anything and everything completely breaking my heart for the lost and broken... My heart literally hurts most days, and sometimes for an extended period of time. I have gone back and forth on who God is. What's his character when it comes to the heart. How does he view my passions and desires? They are to feed the poor and bring hope and joy to the hopeless and the broken. Where is this place that needs the most love? Honestly, probably everywhere in it's own ways...
Is the prostitute in Thailand any different than the prostitute on the corner in Vegas? We could look at it this way and say yes; the prostitute half way around the world has no other option, she can support her family with this. While the prostitute in Vegas, she has other options, she is just supporting a desperate need for heroin to hit her veins.

Am I any different?

Am I better than either of these girls?

Am I more deserving of love because I have been rescued?

I would say that they are both more deserving than myself. It is the sick who need a doctor... I have my problems, but i'm too prideful to even see them. My eyes have been opened, yet I do not allow myself to see. I put a blind fold over my eyes. I cover my ears. I stop the flow of life to and from my heart... If I do not love them, than I do not love Jesus. How can I say that I love Jesus with all of my heart and not give everything that I have to those he cared for most. Even more painful than the thought of hurting Jesus, is the actual, physical pain felt when God has given me just a glimpse of what true pain feels like...

May I be your vessel of love. Will you send laborers into the painful, bloody, screwed up, broken, shattered, lovely, smiling, dancing, searching, harvest...

May I be your vessel of love.

Here am I. Send me.